Domestic Abuse,Hidden Hurts, Unhappy Holidays!

Domestic Abuse During the Holidays

The holidays. A time for joy, family, and togetherness. But for those living with domestic abuse, this season can be anything but merry. Behind the tinsel and twinkling lights, a darker reality exists, where abuse can escalate, and feelings of loneliness and isolation intensify.

Domestic abuse is a pattern of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence, in the majority of cases by a partner or ex-partner, but also by a family member or carer. It’s a deeply personal issue, often shrouded in secrecy and shame. And during the holidays, when the pressure to present a ‘happy family’ facade is high, the silence can be even more deafening.

Statistics paint a stark picture:

• In the UK, an estimated 2.3 million adults aged 16 to 74 years experienced domestic abuse in the last year .
• The Christmas and New Year period often sees a surge in calls to domestic abuse helplines.
• Financial pressures, increased alcohol consumption, and forced family interactions can exacerbate existing abusive behaviours.

Why the holidays can be a dangerous time:

• Stress and pressure: The holidays can be a stressful time for everyone, but for those in abusive relationships, this stress can be amplified. Financial worries, family expectations, and the pressure to create a ‘perfect’ Christmas can create a volatile environment.
• Increased alcohol consumption: Alcohol misuse is a significant risk factor for domestic abuse. During the holidays, when alcohol is often more readily available, the risk of incidents can increase.
• Forced family interactions: Spending prolonged periods with family members can be challenging for anyone, but for those experiencing abuse, it can be a source of heightened anxiety and tension. Abusive partners may use this time to exert control or humiliate their victims in front of others.
• Isolation: While the holidays are often associated with social gatherings, those experiencing abuse may find themselves isolated from their support networks. Abusive partners may restrict their contact with friends and family, leaving them feeling trapped and alone.

Recognising the signs:

Domestic abuse isn’t always physical. It can take many forms, including:

• Coercive control: This is a pattern of intimidation, degradation, isolation and control with the use or threat of physical or sexual² violence.
• Emotional abuse: This includes name-calling, put-downs, humiliation, and threats.
• Financial abuse: This involves controlling a person’s access to money, preventing them from working, or running up debts in their name.
• Digital abuse: This includes monitoring someone’s online activity, sending abusive messages, or sharing intimate images without consent.

Reaching out for help:

If you’re experiencing domestic abuse, remember you’re not alone. There are people who can help.

• National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247
• Women’s Aid: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
• Men’s Advice Line: 0808 801 0327
• Galop (for LGBTQ+ people): 0800 999 5428
• Respect (for perpetrators who want to change): 0808 802 4040

More services can be found HERE

Tips for staying safe during the holidays:

• Plan ahead: If you’re concerned about your safety, create a safety plan. This might include identifying safe places to go, having a bag packed with essentials, and having a code word to alert friends or family if you need help.
• Limit alcohol intake: If you’re in a situation where alcohol is present, try to limit your intake.
• Stay connected: Maintain contact with trusted friends or family members, even if it’s just a quick text message.
• Trust your instincts: If something feels wrong, it probably is. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help.

You can find a more detailed safety plan HERE.

For friends and family:

If you’re concerned about someone you know, here are some ways you can help:

• Listen without judgment: Let them know you’re there for them and that you believe them.
• Offer practical support: This could include helping them create a safety plan, offering them a place to stay, or accompanying them to appointments.
• Encourage them to seek help. Share information about helplines and support services.

This holiday season, let’s break the silence around domestic abuse. By raising awareness and offering support, we can help ensure that everyone has a safe and peaceful holiday.